


A Chernobyl Carol

by yankeetooter



Category: Chernobyl (TV 2019)
Genre: Chernobyl (TV 2019) References, Christmas, Ghosts, Ghosts of Christmas, M/M, POV Boris Shcherbina, Redemption, Regret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:02:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27771205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yankeetooter/pseuds/yankeetooter
Summary: Boris has not led a perfect life, but he has tried his best.  And yet, there is one mistake that will haunt him for the rest of his life.
Relationships: Valery Legasov/Boris Shcherbina
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	1. A Warning

**Author's Note:**

> All characters are based on Craig Mazin's miniseries, Chernobyl. The general plot I owe to Mr. Charles Dickens.

Boris Shcherbina is not a happy man. Once he took joy in supplying for other's needs, in finding camaraderie with his fellow man. He could be fierce to those who stood in his way, yes, but as he only strove to help those under his charge, perhaps he can be forgiven that.

But now all that had changed. One man had come lately into his life and then was ripped away from him...and he had done nothing to prevent it. And now he found no joy in doing for others, no companionship with his fellow workers. He had put his career before love, and that which he had done without for most of his life had now become the one thing he could not do without...and the one thing he could not have. And the rest of his world was left bitter and broken because of it.

It was nearing May Day in Moscow, and the streets were full of people eagerly anticipating the holiday from work and the parades, even though the festivities were still about a week away.

Boris, however, was thinking of another anniversary, that of April 26, 1986. A fateful day for the USSR, and for one career party man and one scientist. A few days ago, the trial for Fomin, Bryukhanov and Dyatlov had taken place, and his world had shattered to pieces. Valery Legasov, his friend, his love, had done the noble thing and sealed his fate. By testifying to the truth behind Chernobyl, Valery had ensured that he and Boris would be separated from each other forever.

Boris knew Valery had done the right thing. But all he cared about was that he could no longer see the ginger-haired scientist. And that was why, as the crowds jostled him in their excitement, people laughing and joking, Boris Shcherbina only cared about reaching his flat and shutting out the world.

Some thirty minutes later, Boris sat in front of the fireplace with a small bowl of stew and a larger glass of vodka. His immaculate suit now hung bedraggled from his body, his shirt untucked and his tie askew. With any luck, the vodka would knock him out early and he would sleep. There was nothing else to look forward to.

Forty-five minutes later, a loud rap at the door brought Boris awake quite rudely. Who could be knocking at his door at this hour? He wasn't expecting any visitors. He started to struggle up out of his chair, then thought better of it. No, let them go away, he didn't care. If it was an acquaintance, they should have called first!

Settling back in the chair and hoping his vodka-induced coma would quickly overtake him again, he startled a few minutes later at the sound of a noise inside his flat. What on earth?! Just what had been in that stew anyway?

He had to rub at his eyes several times to convince himself he was not seeing things. But no, there stood his old friend before him, General Pikalov, even if he did seem a bit transparent. _It must be the radiation affecting my eyes, just like Pikalov before he died._

But then Pikalov spoke. "You're not seeing things, Boris. I'm really here, or as 'here' as is possible. I've come to warn you."

"Warn me?" Boris blurted. "I know about the radiation. The doctors say it's gotten to my lungs, that I only have a year or so to live."

"Yes, I know." Pikalov said somberly. "But that's not what I've come to warn you about. Why did you let Valery do it? His testimony accomplished nothing, and now he's lost everything."

"Well, he had made up his mind. And I can't do anything about it now, can I?"

"Can't you?"

"And lose everything? My career? Everything I've striven for my whole life? Valery will be okay. They didn't shoot him, which is what I feared the most. Maybe in a few years he'll be allowed to..." Boris' voice trailed off at the look of rage on Pikalov's face.

"I thought I knew you, Boris. Since when did you forget what was important? Since when did you let others intimidate you and keep you from getting what you wanted?"

"I can't change what's happened! And maybe it's for the best. What good would it do Valery to watch me slowly die over the next year? It would only be harder on him in the long run."

"Boris, my time is short. But mark my words, tonight you will be visited by three spirits. I hope you listen to them more than you did me."

And with that, Pikalov turned and walked through the walls of Boris' flat. Boris watched wide-eyed for a moment, then went to retrieve the still half-full bottle of vodka.

_Hah! I've got your spirits right here! With any luck, I won't wake again tonight, assuming I'm even awake now._

To be continued...


	2. The Ghost of Ukraine Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boris meets the first of his visitors.

Boris groaned and rolled over, noting that his clock read midnight exactly. Had he just heard a sound? _No, must have been the vodka talking._ He adjusted his blankets and closed his eyes to try and find sleep again, but there it was again! A small sound as of someone rustling around in the other room.

Leaping out of bed, he rushed into the sitting room and stopped dead short. 

"Iryna?" 

Except it wasn't, or not as he had known her in his youth. His long dead sister stood before him in a nightgown, smiling and cheerful and just as he remembered her, except she was surrounded by an eerie light, a bright aura that lit up the room.

"Borja!" she greeted him, bringing back visions of the past, when he would arrive home from school and she was always so glad to see him. She was the only family member who showed such excitement. His father would grunt at him and set him to helping with chores; as far as he was concerned, a son home from school should be set to work immediately. 

His mother would be glad, of course, but she was always so exhausted that she would barely nod at his arrival. A few years later she would die of cancer, never having seen her son achieve his position as a Deputy Chairman in Moscow.

But his sister! She would caper about the room, demanding hugs and kisses from her older brother, who she adored. Or at least she had, until the day Nazi soldiers showed up at the door while he was away fighting with the army. They cruelly beat Boris' father, but he managed to survive, only to forever blame his oldest son for Iryna's being dragged off, never to be seen again. And to his dying day, Boris' father forbade him to ever step foot under his roof. Wasn't it enough that Boris carried his own self-imposed guilt for what had happened to Iryna? And yet, here she was before him, though in otherworldly form.

"Iryna! How...what are you doing here?"

"I've come to show you your past, Borja!"

"But, but why?"

"Because you've forgotten the important things in life, things that used to matter more than anything. Here...take my hand."

Boris took the proffered hand, then gasped when they headed for the door. "It's freezing out!" he exclaimed, gesturing at her thin nightgown. But his protests were only met with giggles.

"Silly big brother! Such things don't bother me any more! Now come..."

Iryna led Boris outside, but suddenly they were not in Moscow. Instead, an old familiar school building stood before them. Boris remembered this school in Kursk. He had been sent here after receiving a bullet wound in his back during a skirmish. Although he had recovered fairly quickly, the military had deemed him not fit for active duty for six months, and had sent him to the school to teach and recruit students.

And it was there that he had met a young, ginger-haired Valery Legasov. Valery had only been seventeen at the time compared to Boris' twenty-six years, but he was top of his class and well-liked. He was especially popular with the teaching staff because he often helped out with tutoring the younger students in chemistry and math. It was said he was destined to end up at Kurchatov, given his high marks and interest in chemistry.

Boris cared about none of that. He only cared about the shy smiles Valery gave him at odd moments, and their talks over lunch. Many times, having the odd hour off between drill sessions with the military trainees, Boris would sit at the back of the room while Valery schooled the younger students in chemistry. Under the guise of listening to the lecture, Boris would gaze at Valery's freckled face and slender form. 

Boris found himself thinking that the young man was a bit too thin. Of course, he wasn't all that surprised because the young man often studied through lunch and barely picked at his meals. Boris found himself buying sweets from the local bakery whenever he went into town, then making excuses for why he needed Valery to help him eat them. 

"Oh, they gave me way too many danishes! You have some too, before they spoil! No, no, I insist!"

And Valery and he would sit and talk while they indulged in the sugary treats Boris had brought. 

\----------------------

Boris sighed at those memories as Iryna and he entered the school building. If only things could have stayed that way.

"Where is everyone?" Boris asked as they walked down the empty hallways, Boris' steps echoing loudly while Iryna seemed almost to float through the air.

"Why, don't you remember? It's almost the holidays, and just about everyone has gone home!"

Boris remembered that holiday all too well. His mother had died by then, but his sister had still been alive. And yet his father hadn't asked for him to come home. 

But teaching at the school had found him a comrade in the same situation, or so it appeared. Iryna's specter and Boris pulled up outside a classroom where a young Boris sat talking to a younger Valery. Boris ducked in alarm, but Iryna assured him that they could neither be seen nor heard.

"Are you not going home, then, Valera?" the young military man asked. He was torn between feeling bad for Valery, having known what it was like to feel abandoned for the holidays, while at the same time hoping to have some companionship to get through the lonely two weeks.

"Well, it looks like I'm not," Valery explained to the tall officer who had become his best friend. "Sometimes mother and father aren't able to send a carriage or a car, and then I stay back at school. I just spend the extra time studying." Valery was very matter-of-fact, but Boris could detect his underlying disappointment.

"Well, for what it's worth, I'll be here, so we can spend the days together, unless of course nuclear chemistry more suits your taste."

Valery laughed shyly, then clapped as Boris produced a bag of sweets. "Boris, you always know what I like! And of course I'd rather spend the day with you then studying!"

Boris smiled happily as he and Valery started making quick work of the baked treats.

But a day later, a sleigh pulled up in the snow outside the school, Valery's father having come to pick him up. Boris clapped Valery on the back, pretending happiness for him, but all he could think about was how he wished he was wanted at his own home.

Valery, despite his normally having his nose stuck in a book, could be very astute at reading people. Peering at Boris, he said, "Say, why don't you come home with us? There's plenty of room in the sled, at least if you don't mind squeezing into the back with me. And I'm sure mother and father won't mind.

Boris made some false pretense at protesting, but let Valery drag him out to the sleigh without putting up a fight. After a few introductions, he wedged himself in the back with Valery, and rode through the cold, snowy afternoon all the way to Valery's house.

Older Boris watched as they pulled away, smiling in spite of himself. How many fond memories he had of those two weeks, spent with Valery and his family. The family was obviously not wealthy but they happily shared what they had. He and Valery had grown even closer so that a few months later Boris, having been declared fit for active duty again, had to hide the tears in his eyes as he said good-bye to Valery. They had vowed to meet up again, but Boris knew better. Valery would be a scientist in no time at all, and Boris had aspirations of a political career after the army, and the two just didn't mix. No, unless they ended up working on some project together, it was doubtful Valery would be back in his life. Little did young Boris suspect how things would turn out.

Iryna looked at Boris. "Brother, why are you crying?"

"Because I miss those early days we had together, before everything went wrong!"

"We are the choices we make, Borya. But we must hurry back now. The clock is about to strike one!"

How could it have only been an hour? But sure enough, Boris' clock read 12:40 a.m. when they returned, as if he had barely been gone at all. No matter, he was not entertaining any more visitors tonight, ghostly or otherwise. Throwing himself into bed, he pulled the covers up and tried to find sleep and dream of better days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't bother to research whether or not Boris Shcherbina had a younger sister or not. Author's perogative...


	3. The Ghost of Chernobyl Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boris has his second visitor.

Boris never would have thought he would have fallen so deeply asleep in those twenty minutes, but the next moment he was awoken by the sound of his door crashing open and a hearty laugh. Before he could barely stumble up and out of bed, the figure of Saint Nikolas was barreling into his bedroom and shouting for him to hurry and come with him.

"I am the ghost of Chernobyl present, and all that has happened in the more recent part of your..."

"I know what has happened this past year or so!" Boris muttered angrily. "I don't need to revisit it."

But Saint Nikolas would allow no protest, and taking Boris by the arm, they floated out the door...

\--------------------

It had been almost forty years...too long. And it all started with a phone call at 5:00 a.m. In Boris' line of work, phone calls at 5:00 in the morning did not bode well at all, but despite that, this one didn't seem too bad. Or at least, other than the fact that he would need to scramble to put together a group of men and have them ready to meet in Moscow at noon. After all, they had called Boris...so how bad could it be?

The first one Boris called was his own secretary, explaining to her why he needed her to come into the Kremlin early on a Saturday morning. "I'm sorry, Natasha, but I'll make it up to you another day." And Boris would too. The official party line was that when your superiors told you were needed, you answered, and expected no extra thanks or other compensation in return, but Boris treated those who worked for him much better than that.

Even as he prepared to shower and dress, he was giving her a list of names of people to start calling. They would need any number of people on the commission, and most of them were an obvious choice, for instance, Ilyn, but there was one position that stumped Boris. He personally knew of exactly one RBMK expert...but no. He couldn't deal with that now.

How was he to explain to Valery why he had never contacted him after that winter morning when he said goodbye? How would he ever be able to deal with the inevitable emotions between them while trying to deal with this mess? And certainly not at the Kremlin, a place where there were probably more unfriendly eyes and ears than anywhere else. So, no, not him. He'd have to wait until he got in the office to look at another list of possibilities. He couldn't just ask his secretary to call a strange scientist and ask them to be at the Kremlin by noon. And she didn't have the security clearance level needed for him to share details with her. He's better hurry...

When he arrived at the Kremlin, he started calling scientists from his office while Natasha continued contacting the other people. He had a list of about six people to choose from, with Valery listed last and only as a last desperate choice. But Boris got a sinking feeling as he ticked off the names above Valery's one by one. One had the flu. Another had another commitment. And the other three were out of town, no doubt at their private dachas preparing for the upcoming May Day celebration. Boris sighed...well, here goes.

The call did not go well. As soon as Valery picked up, Boris got so choked up that his voice was very raspy, and he spoke extra harshly to hide the fact that his eyes were welling up with tears. And when Valery tried to ask a bunch of questions, Boris had to cut him off, for fear of letting his feelings show. This was not going to go well. Why, oh why, had he never tried to contact him before?

And then Valery arrived at the meeting, and Boris couldn't take his eyes off him. He had filled out nicely from his more slender days, and Boris approved. He wore thicker glasses now; no doubt all the reading a scientist had to do had taken its toll, but Boris didn't care. It was still Valery, the same Valery who had stolen his heart so many years ago. And he still had his same fiery spirit too, as Boris discovered as the meeting went on.

Valery had always insisted on doing what was right, on speaking up even if what he had to say wouldn't be welcome. The few times he had run-ins with other students while Boris while at the school, it was usually because of Valery insisting on saying what was on his mind. Boris had found it quite endearing, and had always protected Valery from any students who had tried to start something with him after the school day, but Boris found he didn't like it quite so much when he was the one being contradicted. Always insecure around the other deputy chairmen, it made Boris feel like a fool. 

It wasn't until after they had arrived at Chernobyl that Boris began to understand Valery's being so adamant. As the realization sunk in of how big a disaster Chernoby was, Boris began to soften towards his friend. 

Things were still rocky though. Valery insisted that Pripyat be evacuated, but not until he floored Boris with the news of their shortened life spans did Boris really begin to fathom how dangerous it was to stay in town. After that, despite some tense moments, their friendship had begun to approach what they had had back in their youth. They became inseparable, and Boris relied on Valery to be there to explain things to him. Valery came to him with whatever was needed, and Boris made it happen.

It was like any other day in Chernobyl. They were going to test the lunar rovers on the upper roof to see if they could use them to clear the debris. Success! Boris didn't know what came over him. Maybe it was the sight of Valery's shy smile. He didn't know. All he knew was that the next moment he held Valery in his arms. All the arguments, all the harsh words, everything disappeared when they came together. Suddenly it was like thirty-odd years ago, and there was nothing wrong between them. The world had faded around them and there was only the feeling of their two bodies pressed together, seeking solace and something more from one another. 

But it was over too soon. The rest of the day, Boris felt an ache for Valery that had never been there before. He kept trying to find a moment alone with the man, but with the lunar rovers working on the upper roofs, there was too much to be done. And when he finally stumbled his way back to their room that night, Valery was stretched out on the couch, fast asleep.

One day led into another. Always, there was never any privacy, and night brought only exhaustion. And then it was the holidays, and a Christmas miracle occurred. Things were going well for once at Chernobyl. And the order came down that Boris and Valery were to return to Moscow for a whole week. Most of the days they would be in the hospital while the doctors ran their tests and treated them, but the last weekend was to remain unscheduled with meetings or appointments. And Gorbachev had forbade Boris to return to Chernobyl before Monday.

"No, Boris, I won't hear it! You're exhausted, and you need a break. I can't stop the doctors from poking and prodding you, but I want you to take that weekend off and just rest. And tell Valery he's to do the same thing-no arguments!"

They left the hospital separately that night, and took circuitous routes back to Boris' apartment. No sooner had Valery entered and closed the door, then Boris pushed him up against the wall and kissed him long and hard. When he pulled back, Valery could only gape at him.

"What!? I've been waiting to do that since the day the lunar rovers worked!"

Valery smiled his shy smile, his eyes glinting with desire. When Boris extended his hand, he took it unhesitatingly and let himself be pulled into the bedroom.

\------------------

Boris didn't realize until he tasted the salt on his lips that he was crying. His ghostly guide turned to him and clapped him on the shoulder.

"For thirty-five years you denied your love for him. It took a disaster to bring you together. Why are you sad because love won out?"

Before Boris could barely wipe his eyes more scenes were flying by. Ulana, telling Valery he was going to have to tell the truth during the trial, and Boris warning Valery what would happen if he did. A visit by Ulana to Valery's apartment (he hadn't known about that!) where she continued to hammer at Valery's conscience. (Damn that woman!) 

The day of the trial arrived. An unseen Boris watched his counterpart explain how a nuclear power plant worked and what the test was trying to accomplish. Ulana did her bit. Then, Valery brilliantly explaining the technical issues that had built up to the explosion. Boris' cough interrupting, and the judge calling a recess...

Valery came to him, walking across the lane to where Boris sat on a banch. They talked, and Boris told him of his illness. 

"Boris, you were the one who mattered most." Something broke in Boris at those words. _Ah, Valery, why did I take you for granted for so long?_ The sun shone down on Boris and a caterpillar crawled on his hand.

\------------------

While the ghost looked on, Boris sobbed. "Stop it! Stop it! I won't watch what happens next! I won't!"

"Why not? It is part of what happened, part of what has led up to today."

"I-I failed him! I should have done something!"

But the spirit waved his hand and there they were, watching as Valery was carted off to who knew where. Charkov was explaining to Boris and Ulana that they were not to ever talk to Valery again, while Boris blinked rapidly to hide the tears that threatened.

Observing Boris turned to stomp off in pain and anger, but his ghostly companion grabbed his sleeve, waved his hand one last time, and they were back in Boris' apartment.

"One more visitor tonight, Boris. Learn what you must learn. It will make all the difference in the world."


End file.
